Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Drama Queen

Reasons to Blog:
I am writing because Leigh told me to. "Everyone will read it!" she told me. And I wasn't sure how to take that.

I am writing to remember: Paul and our life together, the hospital stay, his death itself, life (raw and brutally unrelenting) in the days that followed.

I am writing for evidence-justification when the kids land on the proverbial couch. "Look! Under "PLAGUES", there were snakes! In the basement! I had to remove them MYSELF!" and so on.

But mostly, I am writing to purge. In recent days, I find myself shamelessly over-sharing: spilling out every which way. Here's an example: Jim calls and asks, quite harmlessly, "Whatcha up to?" to which I respond, "Cleaning out my dead husbands closet, how 'bout you?"
Apparently I may be a smidgen much for the general population, even beloved brothers. Hopefully writing might alleviate this verbal surplus some. At least in person.

So here goes. My foray into the blogging world in what I promise will be a honest, tearful, acerbic but hopeful peek (see title) into this god awful first year. Thanks for being brave enough to follow along.


  1. I'm right beside, following along remembering Paul, "the brother" I knew. He was just another big brother to contend with but one you couldn't stay mad at cuz that smile. I am praying for you Heidi, I can't even imagine what you are feeling, But I am praying God's Grace, Peace, and love on you. God Bless.

  2. Heidi, I think this is the best thing you could have done.

    We've all watched life unload on you for months, and through it all, you've persevered with a grace and purpose that would be hard won for anyone. I won't speak for others, but personally, I'm intensely proud of you; I could not have handled your trials nearly as well.

    There comes a point, though, where even the best person needs to get it out - to purge the 2 AM thoughts and the tears, to share the memories, to laugh in the face of darkness, and to set the stones for the walk forward. Write from your heart, my friend, and never worry about who you offend in doing so; those who have held you up are the same people reading this, and we will be there to hold you up as you take these tentative steps, no matter how raw they are.

  3. Thanx Sista Strength...I needed a good cry. So proud of you and those kids. You and Paul did great work together. XOXOXO

  4. You have redefined strength, perseverance and being real.
    Sending you faith, hope, and love....every moment, everyday.

  5. Cogent reasons, all. But you forgot one: you are a writer, dear Heidi, and writers must put their words onto (cyber?)paper. You really don't have a choice. You may sometimes curse your blog; I guarantee we will all cry over it, but it will bless you, and your readers, and your children. And it will honor your beautiful Paul and the family you built with him in a way no one else can do.

    Write on.

  6. Thank you Heidi for giving all the opportunity to support you through this year (and beyond) as you allow us to peer into your soul. And what a beautiful soul it is! I look foward to reading each entry. Pax Christi - Katherine

  7. This is a great thing you're doing, Heidi. I will follow...